PsychO

I learn about psychiatric...
I have seen psychiatric patient...
I have been with them..
I have work for them..

But now, I'm more closer to them than ever,
Coz maybe, just maybe...
I will become psychiatric patient myself...

Who knows?
Coz life is like that..
You'll not be here forever..
nor are they...

So, why judge??
Before the Day itself

The day Allah judge all of us..
The day that none will be misjudge...

None of us is superior to one another...
None of us is inferior to one another...
Coz in Allah eye,
What matter is TAQWA...

And that what I need to strive for..
Whether being a psycho or not..
: )

Change of Heart?

Starting a new job..
Moving into a new house..
Living in a new place..
Working in a new department. .
Being in new environment. ..

A lot of thing had change in my life..
Some are thing that I really wants. .
Other just change that I really need
Or maybe something that I just cannot avoid..

Whatever it is. . The only change that really affected me...
Really scares the hell out of me..
Really bothers me..
Making people around me feel shocked.

It the kind of change that suddenly occurs..
Change from within me..
Changes from my heart..
Complete change of myself. .
Transforming my identity. .

Where is that girl?
That I always depend on..
That I always adores..
That I'm most confidence with..
Where's the old me?

Maybe this is the price I had to pay...
For making drastic decision..
On a wimp..
Without really thinking through..

But this time. . I'm enduring it..
Trying to adapt.. conserved.. and deal with changes..

I determined to become stronger..
If I cannot fight the changes...
If I cannot stop it..
If I find no ways to conserve the old me..

Then.. the time have come..for me to change accordingly... adapt..
Work hard.. pray harder..
Be someone better...
Inshaaallah. .. may Allah ease..

Freedom

Apa ertinya bebas?
Apa itu ketenangan?
Apa itu bahagia?
Apa ukurannya?

Dulu kau bilang, kau tidak percaya..
Bila mereka bilang hidup adalah untuk mengesakan Allah..
Kerna ucapannya cuma dibibir doang..
Ngakk dipraktikkan melalui perbuatan...

Justru kau menilai mereka?

Tapi kini, sesudahnya kau mulai berubah...
Mulai seperti mereka...
Bagaimana itu?
Sudahnya apa maksud hidupmu?
Berpoya-poya tanpa kesudahan...
Lalu kau tertanya lagi...

Apa ertinya bebas?
Apa itu ketenangan?
Apa itu bahagia?
Apa ukurannya?

Sampai bila baru kau bisa mengerti..
Kalau semuanya datang dari hati..
Bahagia? Ketenangan? Kebebasan?

Jawapnya :

 الَّذِيْنَ ءَامَنُوْا وَتَطْمَئِنُّ قُلُوْبُـهُمْ بِذِكْرِ اللهِ أَلا بِذِكْرِ اللهِ تَطْمَئِنُّ الْقُلُوْبُ

28. (yaitu) orang-orang yang beriman dan hati mereka manjadi tenteram dengan mengingat Allah. Ingatlah, hanya dengan mengingati Allah-lah hati menjadi tenteram. (Ar- Ra'd)

Dengan mengingati Allah SWT, hati menjadi tenang....
Jiwa bebas dari belenggu duniawi...
Justru kebahagian dapat dicapai....

Makanya, ukurlah ketenangan, kebebasan dan kebahagiaanmu...
Dengan sebanyak mana kau mengingati Allah SWT...
Penciptamu...

Operation Wedding

So.. 1 already married. ..

Another 2 more 2 go b4 2 years time...

After that, another 1...

Then, it'll be my turn...

Another 2 n a 1/2 years b4 I am gonna settle down..

Hopefully will be able to gain exp n money..

Back to penang in 2 year time..

Settle thing down for once and all...

Will I make it?

2 year is really a long time..

Will I really survived through this..

I dont know. ..

But for now.. let stick to the plan..

Work hard. ..

Pray hard..

Be happy with whatever ALLAH plan for me..

So.. let start the operation. . 

For the sake of 2 years time..

Being Human? Human Being ?

30 March 2002

I had experienced the pain...
I had been there...
Seeing all those thing...
feeling it crawling underneath my skin...
The terrible scents of death...

And I had been thinking
What if ?
What if i'm given another chances?
Second chances to fix everything?

So, I work hard...
Trying, and struggling..
Waiting for the second chances...

4 August 2013

It happen again...
Experiencing the same thing all over again..
This is my second chances, to fix everything..
But still I do nothing..

Maybe i did not work hard enough..
Maybe i did not try..
Or maybe i'm just plain weak..

Seeing them die... Both the people i love..
Both the people i care about...
Both in the same way..

It frustrating, isn't it?
Knowing but still can do nothing?

Maybe this second chances..
Is my second chances to fail..
And my second chances to grieve..

Or it is simply a friendly reminder..
That we are just human..
And that is what we are..

New Girl to The City

LIFE VS LIVE

Sejak dua menjak ini, ku mencari fungsi kewujudan
Dalam persekitaran yang penuh kejumudan
Terperangkap dalam jasad, ku keliru
Mujur ada kau si peneutralisasi pilu

Namun aku tetap murung, berkurung
Tubuh makin susut, menunggu tarikh luput
Komplikasi di halaman rusuk kiri
Makin sukar nak bernafas, nak bergerak, nak berdiri

Sumber : http://www.liriklagumuzika.com/2012/06/lirik-lagu-teman-pengganti-black-ft.html#ixzz2Vdy3I1Md

Fuck fuck fuck

HorroR

Aku suka tgk cerita dekat tv...
cerita boleh mghiburkan hati, boleh menghilangkan kebosanan, boleh juga mengajar benda baru...

Tapi lately banyak cerita2 merepek dengan makhluk2 pelik yg menyeramkan...
Seram giler bila tgk cerita2 mcm tu....

Tapi I didn't realised, ada yg lebih menyeramkan dalam hidup ni...
Apa yg lebih menyeramkan adalah AKU!!

Aku semakin menyeramkan, membencikan dan memeluatkan...
I'm so sick n tired of being me... I hate enduring all this and going on with my life...
But I still going on , sacrificing the thing that I love sooo much...

I feel empty and depress, I feel alone and abandoned....
But the thing is I'm empty.. heartless, painless, and feelingless...
and that is scary...

It coming again, hunting me... I;m afraid that i'm no longer strong,
No longer have the energy to fight..
I'm afraid of falling again into it hand.....

All 5 years of suffering and traumatised,
And how hard i work to get out of it...

Now, I'm all alone,
fighting again my worse enemy,
Abandoning people i love,
For the reason that i dont know,
For the sake of serenity and peace,
that i never find....

Living a wasted life...
My life is scariest of all movies i ever watch...
A complete Horror!!

And I still have nobody to turn to..
or to talk to...
how stupid.... how this bullshit...
Is a life of mine...

Pictures

This is the clock upon the wall
This is the story of us all

Pictures of you, pictures of me
Hung upon your wall for the world to see
Pictures of you, pictures of me
Remind us all of what we used to be

Confess to me, every secret moment
Every stolen promise you believed
Confess to me, all that lies between us
All that lies between you and me

We are the boxers in the ring
We are the bells that never sing
There is a title we can't win no matter
How hard we might swing

Pictures of you, pictures of me
Hung upon your wall for the world to see
Pictures of you, pictures of me
Remind us all of what we could have been

To : The Happy You

In the time of difficulty is when I will remember, 
the You and the Me that so happy together,
When we live a life without worry,
When we have nothing to feel sorry...                                                 

From : The Saddening Me

Broken Vow

"I'll let you go
I'll let you fly
Why do I keep on asking why
I'll let you go
Now that I found
A way to keep somehow
More than a broken vow"

After 15 years, fate has brought us back together,
It is funny how i remember,
I was young but surely i'm not sober...

Just now, when we met again,
I feel like dying of embarrassment,
I try to denied all that had happen...

But it take a very short time,
For me to make up my mind,
And accept all that had been done...

Now, I understand,
Why all this had happen,
and surely all that happen for a reason... 

I'm WeaK

Another day in this broke down place 
The towers grow and the skies are slowly replaced 
With the cold gray structures that lay to waste 

You make me sick and I hate what I feel inside 
As I lobby for acceptance, you know I've tried 
Another life for you to nullify 

I'm weak inside because I see the shape of things to come 
I'm weak inside because I don't change what's begun 
I'm weak inside because I hate what I've become 

I'm feeling empty as I struggle with my thoughts each day 
Just a drone who contributes to his own decay 
An apathist who's sweat and blood grease the wheels for pay 

Why am I afraid to stand up and knock them down 
When I've been betrayed 
You've been conditioned to accept everything they say 

So I walk on but I start to stumble 
Through the ruins of a life that's troubled 
By the expectations I'm conditioned to struggle 

The streets are crowded and I feel so all alone 
Stacking bricks that to this day remain unthrown 
Yet I'm the one to cast the first stone

Aku mahu redha...

Aku tidak mahu pasrah, aku tidak mahu menyerah...
Aku mahu redha dan terus berusaha...

Ya Allah..
Pinjamkanlah aku sedikit kekuatan,
Kerana sesungguhnya, aku hanyalah hamba,


 SEGENGGAM TABAH


Bertali arus dugaan tiba
Menakung sebak airmata
Namun tak pernah pun setitis
Gugur berderai di pipi

Tidak ditempah hidup sengsara
Suratan nasib yang melanda
Menongkah badai bergelora
Diredah bersendirian

Bagaikan camar pulang senja
Patah sayapnya tetap terbang jua
Sekadar secicip rezeki
Buat yang sedang rindu menanti

Segenggam tabah dipertahankan
Buat bekalan di perjalanan
Kau bebat luka yang berdarah
Kau balut hati yang calar 

Telah tertulis suratan nasibmu
Derita buatmu ada hikmahnya
Terlukis senyum di bibir lesu
Tak siapa tahu hatimu

Biarpun keruh air di hulu
Mungkinkah jernih di muara
Biarpun jenuh hidup dipalu
Pasti bertemu tenangnya 

By : In Team